Reflections
Why are we so caught up in how we look? I see many young girls and boys too becoming preoccupied with their appearance from an increasingly young age. I don’t think that it helps living in a media rich environment where the societal ‘ideal’ images are projected through music videos, celebrities, models and even game characters.
It seems that for girls ‘thin ‘is synonymous with ‘popular, nice, clever, successful.’
There are other stereotypes that are upheld such as the fact that a good-looking person is thought to be a nice, kind person, less likely to commit a crime. This is upheld by research which shows that an attractive defendant will get a lighter sentence than a less attractive for the same crime. (Baron and Byrne , 1997)
Appearance clearly is a big factor in this day and age. In talking to groups of teenagers I am struck by how ‘down’ on themselves many are and I always enjoy sharing the YouTube clip (The dove project) below as it is brilliant in exposing some of the results that Photoshop can create and I hope leaves viewers feeling a little more optimistic in their self appreciation. Take a look at
I also find myself often saying to clients ‘ You are more than what you look like’. It is something that we can lose sight of. A person’s inner self is or I think should be the most important part of them. Whether they are kind hearted, polite, loving to their family and friends, willing to go out of their way for a friend, listen and comfort, optimistic, funny etc– these are the qualities that we should celebrate surely!
I wonder how we would function in a society without mirrors where the only reflection is that of how other people treat us according to our inner attributes. That would be interesting- who might we be drawn to, want to spend time with?
I think the youngsters today have it tough in that they may be drawn into the visual world of perfection, needing to document each part of their lives on social media. The cyber representation of the experience seems to supersede the actual experience. The recording of it becomes more important or ‘real’ that being in the moment ?
Constantly comparing themselves to others and perhaps feeling lacking in the process , in terms of looks or what ‘fun’ everyone else seems to be having when they are not. It must breed dissatisfaction, don’t you think?
I am thankful to my parents who got both myself and my brother to memorise “Deriderata” by Max Ehrmann, as I think it holds many truths. One line in particular comes to mind If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
References
Hill, Graham (2001) A Level Psychology through diagrams OUP Oxford
www.dove.com/uk/dove-self-esteem-project.html
Accessed 27 March 2017
https://allpoetry.com/Desiderata---Words-for-Life
Accessed 27 March 2017
Desiderata - Words for Life
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Desiderata are, technically, things considered necessary or highly desirable OR something lacked and wanted.
The poem is a list of things desirable in life. © by owner. provided at no charge for educational purposes
By Max Ehrmann (1927)
